I Think It's A Clone Now
by WakkoRyan
Summary: ACME Labs mixes up human blood with Warner inkblood in a cloning project. An evil clone comes after the Warners. Now in bitesize portions! And now updated to fix brackets!
1. Creation

I Think It's A Clone Now 

By WakkoRyan

**Disclaimers, Introduction, Blah Blah Blah:**

_I haven't even read all of the Animaniacs fanfics on this site as of this posting, so any similarities to other fanfics are unintentional. Animaniacs are the property, copyright etc. of Warner Brothers; other characters are property and blah blah blah of me, a.k.a. WakkoRyan. If there has ever been a fanfic with these names used, I have never read it but I apologize anyways!_

(((A/N: words))) means I, the author, am talking.

_**Xakko – voiced by Christopher Walken**_

_**Vakko – voiced by Samuel L. Jackson**_

**Creation:**

July 19, 2004: At ACME Labs, late one night, a group of scientists were working on cloning humans in a secluded area of the lab. Illegal, but they weren't exactly conformists. There were 13 scientists, and no one else at the lab knew of this project. As far as the other scientists knew, that wing of the lab had been abandoned long ago. Since it was illegal, the project supervisor had made this decision: any clone actually produced would be killed after the testing to determine the effectiveness of their work was completed. They would show the results to people who might want freelance cloning done for them.

Another group of scientists (the ones doing legal work) no, they weren't lawyers, they just weren't illegal were working on Dr. Scratchansniff's behalf on a project where ink samples were taken from the Warners at certain emotional moments sparked by movies Scratchy showed them. Scratchy had told the Warners that it was to understand toon emotions, which was true to an extent, but what he was really doing was trying another method to de-zanitise them again.

The vials of blood that were to be used for cloning were waiting for the illegal scientists in a refrigerated room in the regular portion of the lab. There was no refrigeration unit in the part of the lab the illegally practicing scientists were using, so they had to take that risk to preserve the samples. Of course, they had put false labels on them in case someone was to closely look. One of the scientists on the cloning team had overheard about the Warner project, so the false labels were made up to make the blood samples (kept in a different type of test tube holder) look identical to the ink samples; they would just have to be used before the legitimate scientists came to get the actual ink samples.

That night, just before the cloning team went to get the vials to commence the cloning process, a janitor was cleaning in the refrigerator. The janitor was supposed to be restricted to certain areas of the lab, leaving cleaning of sensitive equipment and samples to the scientists, but he was new. Due to the cramped space in the refrigerator, his broom handle hit both the stack of blood vials and ink vials. The broom that the quick-thinking janitor had moved under them prevented breakage, but the vials fell out of the test tube racks. Since the janitor saw one set of identical samples rather than two sets, the samples got placed back in random places in the two different test tube racks.

The scientists had devised a cloning system where they needed to only use blood, no microscopic stem cell stuff; just dump blood into a machine. (Remember, there is a fine line between genius and insanity, and some have a perforated line; these guys were very smart.) For this first cloning session, the scientists wanted to experiment with blood from three separate people rather than from one person per clone. Choosing vials of what they thought were blood at random, nine vials of emotionally charged ink were added to the machines, three to each. In the first cloning machine, the following vials were added: Yakko's sample from when he was told to imagine he was Norman Bates from _Psycho_, Wakko's take on Agent Smith from _The Matrix_, and Yakko's ink sample after Scratchy told him to pretend he was Darth Vader during a viewing of a _Star Wars_ movie. In the second was added Wakko's reaction to watching Ahnold in a _Terminator_ movie where he was a good guy, Wakko's reaction to an _Indiana Jones_ movie, and Yakko's thoughts on Hawkeye Pierce in the MASH finale _Goodbye, Farewell, Amen_. In the third, Dot's sample from watching _Carrie_ and being told to imagine she was Carrie while watching it was included, along with vials of the same circumstances from watching _The Exorcist_ and a movie on Lizzie Borden.

As the three clones were forming, the scientists noticed that something was wrong. The clones looked suspiciously like those Warner brats. But they decided to complete the cloning anyways and examine the results. After all, although they no longer had a way to kill a toon after the destruction, in a fire, of their toon killing bullets and the research papers detailing the ingredients, they still had a chemical that, once placed on a weapon, could injure a toon. And torturing a toon that was like a Warner was something that many of the scientists on this illegal project wanted to do, due to the fact that the sibs had terrorized them so many times. And torturing would be easy. They were already trapped. Part of the way into cloning, metal bands were installed to hold the creations in place. And since the scientists had a chemical that could injure toons, it would only be a matter of time until they could once again develop a way to kill toons, and at that time they could have a production line of creation closely followed by killing.

December 9, 2004: Chambers 1 and 2, apparently forming males, were forming well in the lab. But since there was limited room, a team took the clone in chamber 3, apparently forming a female, to another, secret, ACME labs branch, located in the Canadian province of New Brunswick. Most members of the staff were told that chamber 3 was destroyed to increase the secrecy of the transfer. The entrance to the lab was disguised as a cottage at McDonald's point, a small community on the shores of the Washadamoak Lake (((A/N: yup, probably spelled that wrong.))) The Canadian Forces Base Gagetown was just a few kilometers away, across the lake, so ACME labs considered it to be a secure location that was in a place that no one would expect. Little did they know, the unexpected was to happen back at the lab.


	2. Introduction To Destruction

**Introduction To Destruction:**

March 3, 2005 (incorrectly listed as February 31, 2005 on a nearby calendar): The Warner sibs were getting ready for bed after celebrating their 75th birthdays. Wakko was eating a tub of Faboo Times Two™ pistachio-nut-fudge-floorwax-and-brussels-sprouts ice cream (spoonful by spoonful for once…if you consider a shovel a type of spoon…and if you consider a bathtub a "tub" of ice cream.)

"Why it is taking so long to get the results of the ink tests back?" he pondered out loud, between mouthfuls of ice cream. "I don't even know what the results _would_ be. I mean, is our ink going to be so much different at any time, and if it is different, then what is so different about it?"

Dot and Yakko suddenly recognized what Wakko was referring to and realized that it had been just about two-thirds of a _year_ since the ink tests were taken. "Funny how things like that can just slip the mind," said Dot.

"Well, we'll call Scratchy in the morning to see if they can find out why," said Yakko.

Wakko agreed with a nod.

"Well, better get off to bed," said Dot.

"Yeah, I guess it's late enough," said Yakko. Come on Wakko, I'll tuck you two in."

"Okkay," said Wakko, then throwing the bathtub of his favorite type of ice cream into the air, and then swallowing it whole, tub and all. "Deeee-licious," said Wakko, then burping loudly. "Pardon."

The next shot opens at a door with a sign on it that says, "authorized personnel only." A scientist uses a pass card and a keypad password to open the door. He enters, and looks up to the second level of the room. "Ahh, Mr. Karlson, just in time," said the supervisor on the second level. "Get a close-up view if you wish."

The view closes in on chambers 1 and 2. The percentage of completion is shown on digital readouts at the feet of the cloning chambers, chamber 1 at 99 and chamber 2 at 97. Close in on the face in chamber 1. The face is definitely that of a Warner, but the mouth seems to have formed so that there is more often a frown, with the possibility of a sneer or evil smile but no genuine smile ever to be formed by these lips. As the close-up gets as close up as possible, a series of beeps like a microwave finishing cooking is heard. A hissing sound emanates as the cloning liquid is expectorated from the chamber. The hatch opens, as the camera stays close on the face. The entity has grown black hair that is about shoulder length, and the bangs hang in front of the eyes. Most disturbingly, the feet appear to have retractable claws, such as with a cat.

Mr. Karlson was startled as he noticed that the metal band on the right arm had broken somehow. Quickly turning to the supervisor, he yelled, "close the hatch!"

Suddenly, the entity's free arm flew forward and grabbed the scientist's collar, turning Karlson towards him, revealing to Karlson a pair of black eyes with evil red pupils. The entity pulled hard on Karlson, sending his head into the side of the chamber and ripping a key from a necklace he was wearing at the same time. The entity looked at the key, then at the restraints, then at some of the scientists. They had concern on their faces, confirming the entity's suspicion. This was the key used to unlock the restraints.


	3. Oh, Right, That

Oh, Right, That: 

March 4, 2005: Yakko picked up the phone and hit number one on the speed dial. Doctor Otto Von Scratchansniff answered. (((A/N: And if you think I'm going to go through all of the trouble of spelling out his accent, you've got another thing coming.)))

"Hello?" said the doctor.

"Guess who?" said Yakko.

"So now you're starting phone calls with the names of 70's Canadian rock bands instead of 'hello'?" said Scratchy.

Yakko did a double take. Had Dr. Scratchansniff just made a dumb joke, or was he just getting slow in the head? He shook his head once, quickly, blinking at the same time, and went on with the conversation.

"Did you ever get back those ink sample results from that day where you showed us free movies and wanted only our ink-blood in return?" asked Yakko. "That price of admission is too high to charge for just the movies. We wanna know the results!"

There was a brief pause. "Oh my, I completely forgot!" said the doc. "How embarrassing. I'll call the lab right now."

Yakko rolled his eyes. "Nice to know you're looking after us, Scratchy," he said, and hung up the phone.

Wakko, who had overheard the entire conversation (well, not so much overheard as listened on another line,) inquired, "so what video game do we play in the meantime? Infected Rusty Hook Battle™ or Satanic Pimp War Inside A Morgue™ or Tony Stewart's NASCAR Racing™?"

"I don't know," said Dot. "They all seem so violent to me." Smirking, she said, "just pick the most violent one."

"Tony Stewart it is," said Wakko.


	4. Oh, So That’s How

**Oh, So That's How:**

Dr. Scratchansniff hung up the phone, having tried to call the lab for the seventh time. For some reason, no one was answering. He opened the file containing the information he had in preparation for the tests, and immediately gave a frustrated sigh. There, right on top, dated August 5, 2004, was a letter from the lab that the test tubes had somehow been mixed up with human blood. "Someone must have received this letter and put it in here without telling me, thinking I would look at this file soon," he said to himself. "Why didn't they just tell me?" He then called to the other room. "Nurse? Come here for a moment."

"Yes, doctor?" she said as she entered. (((A/N: I don't need to describe Hello Nurse, you should know what she looks like and I would get carried away. Helloooo, Nurse!…Ahem, back to the story.)))

"Why did you not tell me about this?" Dr. Scratchansniff inquired.

After a brief pause to see what it was, she responded. "I put a note on your desk telling you about this. But now that I think about it, the Warners came in later in the day, in fact right after you got back from lunch, so it must have been knocked over."

"And how do you remember that they were here at that time on that day?" asked the doctor.

The Nurse took this as an insult to her intelligence: why would she not remember, with her high I.Q.? So she responded with only a shrug, turned, and walked out of the room, leaving the doc befuddled. (((A/N: Not often you hear that word, eh?)))

The Warners were still playing Tony Stewart's NASCAR Racing™. Yakko, playing as Ryan Newman, continued to lead while Dot, playing as Jeff Gordon, struggled in 27th position. Wakko, playing as Rusty Wallace, had accidentally bumped Tony Stewart, and Tony had spun him out and was now in a fistfight on the back straightaway with him. Since cartoon physics apply to cartoons playing video games as well, Wakko was able to get Rusty to pull out a large wooden mallet (Mallet O' Justice™) to clobber Tony with, who was then clobbered by Yakko-as-Ryan Newman at 200 mph for good measure. The phone rang, and Yakko paused the game in the middle of trying to figure out which button operated the windshield wipers to clear his view of Tony Stewart's face. Wakko and Dot raced to the other two phone extensions to listen in. Yakko waited a second before picking up the receiver to ensure they were ready to listen in.

"Bachman-Turner Overdrive?" said Yakko, knowing it was Scratchy and wanting to keep up the 70's Canadian band gag Scratchy had (possibly accidentally) started. Since Scratchy hesitated due to this comment, he tried again: "Rush?"

"I have found out that the samples have been lost," said the doctor, simply ignoring Yakko's second greeting. "I want you all to come back in to re-do the tests. We should do it right now."

"Do we have to?" said Dot. "I heard that Mel Gibson was going to be at the Snooty Fox restaurant today, and I wanted to see him!"

"And there's a Don Knotts marathon on TV!" said Wakko.

Yakko became the voice of reason. "Sibs, need I remind you that the studio pays our bills? If they ask a favor, we should observe it, at least once in a while. Besides, Dot, I know where Mel is filming tomorrow, and Wakko, I already set the VCR to record that Don Knotts marathon."

"So you will be here in fifteen minutes?" said Dr. Scratchansniff.

"Is the nurse in?" asked Yakko.

"Yes," said Scratchy.

"Make it three minutes," said Yakko.

The Warners grabbed their pogo sticks and parachutes and out the door they went.


	5. Information Session

**Information Session:**

At the lab, an injured scientist from the cloning team was being hauled out on a stretcher, with the lab manager next to him, just outside of the door to the area that until then the manager did not know was in use.

"The evil entity from chamber 1 escaped almost immediately after his creation was complete," said the scientist to the manager. "He was smart enough to steal a top-secret file folder and a rack of test tubes with various projects in them, in the process injuring most of the scientists on the cloning team. When he noticed me hiding under a desk, he stuffed me into a centrifuge and turned it on!"

Since the manager had no idea that a cloning project was on the go, he had no idea what this "entity" was, and what the chambers referred to. He was about to ask the scientist to elaborate further when a sound like that of a microwave finishing its run went off in the background. This drew the manager's attention to the source of the sound. The manager entered the lab and saw the chambers, marked 1 and 2.

"What did that noise mean?" the manager asked one of the few uninjured scientists (this one had hidden in a locker.) The scientist was standing in front of some sort of control panel.

The scientist's response was, "I think that perhaps you should sit down while I tell you this, sir."


	6. Musings of The Entity From Chamber 1

**Musings of The Entity From Chamber 1:**

Cut to the entity that formed in chamber 1. It is nighttime. He is in an abandoned warehouse. It is quite obvious that he has not washed since escaping, so his hair is quite disheveled. A white t-shirt and a pair of blue jeans that he stole from a store nearby are his choice of clothes. Unlike the sibs, he wears no gloves. Since he has not washed, and sweated quite a lot running away from the lab, the new clothes are already quite dirty. The one part of his body that is clean, in fact meticulously clean, are the retractable claws he has on his feet. He has thrown unimportant papers from the stolen files into a fire in the corner.

He picked up a file that happened to have records on his creation. He also found a file on the tests that were to be performed with respect to the Warners. He quickly put two and two together to determine that ink was added to the chamber instead of human blood. He felt that since he was created from the ink of two Warners, he must be superior to them. Since he was evil, he did not want to join the Warners. He decided that he would much rather destroy them.

"But you can't kill a toon," he thought. "Toons don't die, they just fade away. Or run away. Or go insane and are committed." The evil entity returned his thoughts to the comment of running away. "Running away. Going away. Being forced away."

The entity suddenly got an idea. He stood to his full six foot, three and a half inch frame and reached for a pen to write it down on a piece of paper, but accidentally knocked over one of the test tubes. It broke on the concrete. The entity picked it up, intending to throw it into the corner, and pricked his finger on the broken tube. He felt pain.

"Pain," he thought, with little fear, just curiousness. "A toon isn't supposed be able to feel pain."

He noticed that he was bleeding. Blood. Not ink, blood. He turned the test tube over to see that it was marked as test tube F. After rummaging through the papers for a few seconds, his eyes found the list he was looking for. He read out loud, "'Test Tubes F – R: Dioxyglucoantitoonomiate, test sequence number 27 in the series of project Warner Submission. Project intent: to produce a chemical that can injure cartoon characters…effects are only temporary but induce pain…'"

"Well…" He licked the blood off of his finger, savoring the taste, "looks like the project was successful."


	7. The Entity From Chamber 2

**The Entity From Chamber 2:**

March 5, 2005: After the lab manager found out the full extent of the project, he had the scientists who were working on it arrested. He decided to keep the entity from chamber 2 alive, since he had more morals than the scientists who created him, and besides, this one seemed to be quite charming and helpful, not to mention smart. The manager even considered keeping the entity as an employee after seeing how quickly he caught on to procedures. However, the manager currently held the opinion that he should not meet the Warner sibs.

The second male Warner clone had black hair that was about the same length as the other male, but brushed so that it was wavy on the top and with just a bit of a curl at the ends that covered the back of his neck (((A/N: you know…the curl…like wings…just think Jet or The Trews or Sloan or some rock band like that. Although if you're not Canadian, the last two bands probably aren't familiar.))) His eyes, like that of the other new male Warner, were not the same as the three sibs, but in this case his pupils were blue, about the same colour as Wakko's sweater. He was somewhat muscular, and stood about six feet, two inches tall. Since he was still in the lab and being shown around, he wore a white lab coat, latex gloves, and goggles. Under the lab coat was his regular clothing - a black t-shirt and black shorts.

March 7, 2005: Soon afterwards, the mistake that created the Warner-like entities was uncovered. (Only the records for chambers 1 and 2, though.) After learning of the means of his creation, the entity remaining in the lab decided on the name Vakko, similar to the names of the Warner brothers, but with a V because the ink recovered after watching Ahnold in the Terminator movie had given him a slight Austrian accent. (((A/N: No, I'm not going to type that style of speech out either. You expect too much of me. Use your imagination. Sheesh. And it's a _slight_ accent.)))

Enough with the 'introduction of a character' chapter, moving on…


	8. Contact

**Contact:**

March 15, 2005: About a week later, a scientist was bringing in the lab's mail (at the end of the night, since they had been busy) when he noticed a postcard with the famous Warner water tower on it. It was addressed to "clone project number two." The scientist brought it to Vakko without reading it.

Vakko read the back of the water tower postcard out loud. "'Wish I was here, Xakko, a.k.a. project number one.' Great, project number one, he's the one with all of the bad feelings put into him." After considering this, an agreement was reached that this was a bold statement from the evil entity that formed in chamber one that he was planning to attack the Warners. It was realized that Vakko was the natural choice to combat the entity now known as Xakko, since the scientists were mainly nerds, and Ralph the security guard was just plain incompetent.

In the background in the lab, a television set was on. Parts of a news story could be heard. "…laboratory in New Brunswick…27 injured…police have issued a bulletin…" None of the scientists were paying attention to the reports though, and one reached up to turn the television off. No time for television when this Xakko guy is planning to attack the Warners, they thought. It was decided that Vakko should go up to the water tower immediately, so the Warners could meet him and know the situation.

Little did the lab staff know, Xakko had underestimated the speed of the mail delivery in the area. The postcard was not supposed to be a foretelling of things to come, but a statement to be delivered _after_ he got rid of the Warner sibs. (Also, if Vakko and the scientists had taken a closer look, on the front, the phrase 'Beware the Ides of March' was printed in tiny letters hidden in the Warner emblem.) (((A/N: Don't you just _love_ random insane statements?))) In fact, at the very moment that Vakko left the lab, Xakko was caressing the bottom rung of the water tower's ladder with his claws. "Maybe I can use these for some torturing as well," he thought. "I have been given something the other Warners do not have – might as well not let it go to waste." He sprinkled some of the injury-causing chemical (((A/N: ICC™ from now on))) that he had stolen from the lab on his claws and began to climb the ladder.


	9. Confrontation

**Confrontation:**

"THE HORROR, THE HORROR!" screamed the Warner sibs in unison.

"I have never seen anything scarier than this!" said Yakko, with a look of horror on his face.

"I fear for my life like I never have before!" stated Dot.

Wakko was speechless.

Wakko was playing Tony Stewart's NASCAR Racing™ again, of course. Tony had just grabbed Sterling Marlin and (((A/N: self-edited, so I don't have to rate this R,))) throwing his body into a ditch. Tony then turned toward Wakko's player, Rusty Wallace.

"I know what I'll do!" said Wakko. "I'll summon the soul of Dale Earnhardt!"

Wakko pressed A, B, triangle, 3, up, and down, and the late Dale Sr. appeared dressed in full Viking combat gear. (((A/N: Okkay, this is just getting ridiculous. The point is, they are interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell.)))

The Warners continued to look at the screen.

(((A/N: I _SAID_, the doorbell rang!)))

No movement.

(((A/N: Oh, for Pete's sake…**_DING DONG!_**)))

All three sibs looked up, Wakko quickly pausing the game.

(((A/N: _Finally_…sheesh.)))

"I'll get it!" they all said.

A giant fight cloud broke out between the three, and above the sound of the punches, Wakko could be heard to say, "come on! I never get to get it!"

As they approached the door, Wakko miraculously emerged from the cloud. "I finally got to get it!" he screamed in elation. Yakko and Dot scowled from their heap on the floor, but felt all warm and fuzzy inside, because of the bad meatloaf they had eaten earlier. With a huge smile on his face, Wakko grabbed the door and flung it open. He was so happy that he had finally succeeded in 'getting it' that he didn't even greet who was there. He simply turned and started running and jumping and shouting 'YAY! I GOT TO GET IT' and giggling wildly.

Yakko and Dot rolled their eyes. "nyways," said Yakko, returning his attention to the figure in the doorway.

"Oh, look!" said Dot. "A visitor!"

"If you're selling door-to-door insurance, we're already covered," said Yakko.

"Well, I guess that's good for your benefactors," said the figure. "They may be getting a payment soon."

Yakko and Dot joined Wakko in the jumping and celebrating now, happy that their friends would soon be coming into some cash. They celebrated for about 3.276663 seconds (approximately) before realizing what it was this guy was trying to say.

"Uh-oh," they all said upon realizing that he meant to harm them.


	10. The Actual Confrontation

**The Actual Confrontation:**

"Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name," said the red-eyed figure.

"Oh, yeah, REAL original," said Yakko. "Gimme Shelter, please. It'd be quicker just to say, 'I am evil. This is my name.' But nooo."

Wakko spoke next. "Is it Rumplestiltskin?"

"Wait a second, you're Andrew W.K. aren't you?" asked Yakko.

"You sound really creepy, like Christopher Walken," said Dot.

"No I don't," he said. "Anyways, my name is Xakko, and I - "

"How do you pronounce that?" said Wakko. "I don't read names starting with X's that often. Is it like Ex-ack-oh?"

"Stupid author," said Xakko, rolling his eyes.

(((A/N: Hey!)))

"It's pronounced like zakko," Xakko continued.

"Why don't you just spell it with a Z?" asked Wakko.

"Because _Ryan_…" began Xakko, muttering this under his breath, then composed himself and spoke normally. "Well, _I_ (well, not me, that idiot Ryan) just chose the letter between W and Y," he said. "After all, I was created from the most distorted parts of the minds of you two Warner brothers, and X just sounds more distorted, or evil, or malevolent, or whatever."

"You were created by the most distorted parts of them? Would that be the part that is sympathetic to Fox executives?" Dot asked.

"Newsflash: that part doesn't exist," said Wakko and Yakko in unison.

Xakko looked about ready to blow his top. He stepped inside, closed the door, composed himself once again, and sighed. "Let me explain," he said.

"Oh, boy, I _love_ story time!" said Dot.

"You already used that joke before, in '_Meatballs_ or Consequences'," said Yakko.

"So does that suddenly make it unfunny?" Dot said to Yakko, giving him the evil eye.

Xakko continued without delay. "You had some ink-blood tests done in late July. An illegal cloning project at the lab was using human blood. The samples got mixed up and I got created. That's the 'long-story-short' version. Any questions?"

"Do you like Hot Italian sausages?" asked Wakko.

"Do you like "Weird Al" Yankovic?" asked Yakko.

"Would you like "Weird Al" Yankovic to serve you some Hot Italian sausages?" asked Dot.

"No! NO! **_NO!_**" shouted Xakko.

Wakko looked especially dejected. "Maybe you should leave, Al," he said.

"Well, that cameo was brief," said Al. "Oh, well, at least I have my weight in sausages to take with me." He quickly left the tower with the sausages before anyone could object.

Yakko took the opportunity to state one of his favorite sayings. "Well, that was pointless."


	11. The Part Where The Villain Tells

**The Part Where The Villain Tells The Protagonists His Plan:**

"Well, the section title says it all," said Xakko. "Since, as toons, you can't die, I'm going to beat you all senseless –"

"We're all ready senseless," said Wakko, interrupting.

(Pause) "Well, it was just a figure of speech…"

"Oh, so you just mean you're gonna hit us really hard and give us _biiig_ boo-boos?" Wakko said in a mocking voice.

"That's about what I was going for."

"Okkay, I think we understand now, mister (makes quote marks with his fingers) 'not-ex-ack-o-but-zakko' Xakko."

"Rriiiiiight….but anyways, like I was saying….I'm going to beat the (bleep)ing (bleep) out of all of you –"

"That's better."

"Thanks. – and then, I'm going to tie you all up and cut you all over, like this!" Xakko suddenly produced a knife, and sprinkled some clear liquid from a bottle onto it (ICC™, the injury-causing chemical.) He then dragged it across his own arm, bringing a small stream of blood.

"_Holy…!_" sounded Yakko. Wakko made a horrified type of gookie. Dot, apparently unfazed, simply stated, "criminally insane men, go fig…"

Xakko continued: "- then shoot you all into space in a rocket sealed in bulletproof glass where you will remain forever! Then I will do the same to all of the toons on the Warner lot, then I will move on! Soon, I will be the only toon on earth, making me powerful enough to kill humans!" He then had a brief moment of doubt. "At least I think I'll get powerful enough to do that." (((A/N: Of course there's no way that would happen, he was just hallucinating, but the important part as it pertains to this story is that he wanted to get rid of the Warners.))) "They (world leaders and such) will be so scared, they will be forced to make me ruler of the earth! HA HaHaHa HA **HA _HAAAA!_** And there isn't a damn thing you can do about it!"

"Now _that_ is evil!" said Yakko, speaking to the audience of Fanfiction.

"Why thank you," said Xakko.

"You weren't supposed to hear that," said Yakko. "That was just for the audience. It's called an aside, or a soliloquy."

"Oh, sorry," said Xakko.

"By the way," said Yakko, "how did you manage to get ahold of a knife that could hurt a toon? We all just turned three-quarters of a century old, and none of us has ever been seriously injured. I would have thought if it were possible to be injured we would have found out by now."

"You'd be surprised how much the scientists at the lab hate you," Xakko said, pointing to the Warners with his arm that had already stopped bleeding and healed up.

"No, we wouldn't be," boasted Dot and Wakko in unison.

"This is really starting to make me angry," said Xakko, looking peeved. "Why aren't you afraid? Why do you keep joking around?"

"It's just what we do," stated Yakko, matter-of-factly.

"If I was you, I'd be afraid of me," countered Xakko.

"Well, that's because you're a wussy," counter-countered Wakko.

The redness in Xakko's eyes began to slightly illuminate. "For that comment you will pay dearly," he said.

Yakko directed the attention away from his little brother with a rapid-fire mocking. "Really? We're gonna pay? How? Huh? Huh? You mean like put us into a rocket and shoot it into space? Huh? Huh? Is that how you're gonna do it? Huh? Huh? Is that how?"

Xakko looked dumbfounded. "Umm…well, yeah…I guess that _is_ the, uh…method, by…by which I, uh…I will, umm…make you, umm…pay. **_Dearly_**."

"Well, _duh_. We know already," Yakko reminded Xakko. "No need to repeat yourself. Sheesh. Talk about dumber than advertised!"


	12. Conflict Of Some Sort Takes Place

**The Actual Part Of The Confrontation Where Conflict Of Some Sort Takes Place:**

"Finally!" said Xakko. "I'm liking this section title!"

"You just don't get the separation between us and the audience, do you?" Yakko asked Xakko. "You aren't supposed to see the section titles."

Xakko simply shrugged. "Hey, I'm the bad guy," he said. "I don't follow rules."

(((A/N: About a foot to the left, Xakko, the microphones aren't quite picking up your voice as well as I would like.)))

"Oh, about here?"

(((A/N: Yeah, that's good.)))

Yakko raised an eyebrow while looking at the audience, then towards Xakko. "You were saying?"

Xakko looked exasperated. "Look, the section title says I get to fight some, so I'm going to do that without waiting any longer, okkay?"

"Sure," said Yakko.

Xakko sprinkled some more ICC™ on his clawed feet for good measure (((A/N: Order today! Only $199.99!))) and began to walk a straight line towards Yakko. He raised his right leg to kick, but changed direction at the last moment, blindsiding Wakko in the head and sending him tumbling into the television.

"Hey! That unplugged the video game!" Wakko said, considering the loss of unsaved games more important than the new sensation of pain he felt on his cheek from the deep cuts the claws had left. The television changed back to normal; a news report was being broadcast.

"…border crossing at St. Stephen and Calais, then ran off into the-"**_SMASH!_** The report was cut off as Yakko landed on the T.V. and broke the screen, his ribs smarting from Xakko's second kick.

Xakko turned his attention to Dot. He pulled out the knife he had used on himself earlier, and an evil grin spread on his face.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you!" said an unseen voice.

"ANOTHER salesman!" said Wakko. "I hope he's nicer than the first one."


	13. VAKKOHelp

**Vengeful Animated Komedy Karacter Offers Help (VAKKOHelp):**

"Project two!" said Xakko.

Dot considered jumping into his arms, considering his physique and the fact that his voice reminded her of both Samuel L. Jackson and Arnold Schwarzenegger, but instead went over to help her brothers up, more specifically Yakko, who was trapped under the television.

"They call me Vakko now. I assume you still go by Xakko."

"How do you know my name?"

"That postcard you sent was helpful."

"You weren't supposed to get that until tomorrow!"

Vakko repeated what several characters have done already in this fanfic, and simply shrugged.

"Oh well," Xakko said. "I love a challenge."

"How would you know?" Said Vakko. "You're 12 days old!"

"It's after midnight," said Xakko. "Might as well call me 13 days old."

Vakko briefly held his right hand over his eyes, his left hand holding his right elbow, while sighing. He gave a slight shake of his head. "Enough of this bickering. Let's hurry up and get this over with so I can watch Conan O'Brien."

"Actually," Wakko pointed out, "it just ended."

"Okkay, now I'm mad!" said Vakko.

He jumped at Xakko and they became engaged in a battle for the knife Xakko was still holding. They began to move about the room, eventually coming close to the broken T.V. where the Warners were watching on. Wakko took the liberty of sticking out his foot, causing Xakko to lose his balance. Vakko used the opportunity to grab the knife, stabbing Xakko in the gut as they fell.


	14. Who Are You?

**Who Are You:**

Believing Xakko to be incapacitated, the Warners approached Vakko.

"Thanks," said Yakko, "but who are you and where did you come from?" He had missed much of Vakko's explanation since he had been trapped under the T.V.

"I have chosen the name Vakko, and I was created in the same way (aims thumb at Xakko, over his shoulder) he was created. I assume he told you how that was?"

"Well, the 'long-story-short' version.

"Oh. Well, it _is_ a long story, so we'll just have to wait until we are sure Xakko here is incapacitated. No time for too much talk, kids."

"KIDS? We're a quarter century old! How old are you?"

"Well, in that frame of mind, about 2 weeks old."

"Then what right do you have to call us kids?"

"The point is you are (makes quotation marks with his fingers) "5 or 6," "7 or 8" and "9 to 13," while I am "21.""

"Oh." This comment was from all of the Warner sibs.

"So, Xakko, how quote-unquote "old" are you?" asked Dot.

"I am ageless, I am forever!" he replied.

"Ooh, creepy."

"I prefer mysterious."

"Oh, okkay…Ooh, mysterious."

"Why, thank you."

"No problem."

"Sorry to interrupt," said Vakko, but the lab records I saw indicate that you have the physiology of an approximately 27-year-old toon."

"Oh…well…I didn't know," replied Xakko. "Okkay, so I'm "27"…just a sec, I'm gonna write that down…twen-ty-se-ven…okkay, thanks."

Wakko sternly lectured Xakko. "That's what you get for escaping so quickly. Next time, stick around for a while. You learn a lot about yourself, like we did from our best friend Lon Borax."

Xakko considered this. "Umm…yeah, sure. I'll keep that in mind for the next time I'm born. Thanks, I guess."

"Happy to be of service," said Wakko, grinning idiotically.

"And you certainly were of service," replied Xakko. "That brief break has allowed my wound to partially heal. I guess that injury chemical is mainly for pain rather than permanent damage."

"See, kids, I told you not to talk for too long," said Vakko. "Now we have to fight all over again."

"Well, ex_cuuuse_ us," mocked Yakko. "By the way, although we do see your point about calling us kids, could you stop calling us that anyways? It's getting really annoying already."

Vakko relented. "Okkay, fine," he said.

"Uh, hello?" said Xakko. "Please direct your attention to the crazed maniac."

Xakko was answered with four voices (and four sets of rolling eyes.) "Okkay, fine."


	15. Help!

**Help:**

Vakko made a plea to the Warners: "I don't mean to put you three in danger, but if you could help out a bit in this next sequence, I would appreciate it. I've heard about Wakko's Wakky Sack gag bag, so I'm sure he can help."

Wakko smiled a huge smile and his teeth gleamed (((A/N: you know what I'm talking about, you've seen that done in cartoons before I'm sure.))) Seeing his reflection in a nearby mirror, and noting the gleam, Wakko said, "well, now, how did that get there?" He reached into his mouth and pulled out a full-sized lighthouse. "Wow, now that that's out of there, I'm hungry. Can we get this over with quickly so I can eat?"

Vakko spoke up. "You have a lighthouse weighing several tonnes in your hands. I'm pretty sure that would speed things up."

"Oh, right," said Wakko. With that he tossed the lighthouse into the air.

Cut to a shot of Xakko. The shadow got larger and larger as the lighthouse closed in on him. Just as the lighthouse was about to smash him, he did something unexpected: he opened his mouth and swallowed the lighthouse whole. He belched loudly. "Needs salt," he said.

Wakko's pupils shrunk to a teeny-tiny size and he clenched his fists at the side of his body as smoke began to pour from his ears. Vakko, Yakko, and Dot put their hands in front of them, as if to say, 'I'm not touching this with a 27-foot pole,' and took a few steps backward.

"You stole my gag!" said Wakko, in a quiet but firm voice. "And ate my favorite lighthouse!"

"Yeah?" said Xakko. "And watcha gonna do about it?"

Wakko quickly produced his favorite mallet (Mallet O' Justice™) from behind his back. "Guess," he said.

Xakko gave a fake look of horror. "OOOOOh, _big_ words! Let's see how well you can back them up," he said, producing an aluminum baseball bat from behind his back and sprinkling it with ICC™ ((A/N: remember, that's the injury-causing chemical.)))

"Now to get what's coming to you!" Said Wakko. "Time to pay, you (beep)!"

Xakko rolled his eyes. "Why should I be afraid of someone who can't even curse or swear right?" he said. "You **_asshole_**."

This made Wakko even angrier. He stepped off screen and when he returned two seconds later, he had army fatigues on. His Mallet O' Justice™ was camouflaged, too. "BRING IT ON!" he said.

(((A/N: Hey, you sounded kinda like Joe on Family Guy right there.)))

"STOP INTERRUPTING, RYAN!" all five shouted.

(((A/N: Sorry.)))


	16. Fight Scene 2

**Fight Scene 2:**

Wakko pulled a boxing/wrestling ring out of his Wakky Sack (along with 'Macho Man' Randy Savage, who was holding a Slim Jim.) "I challenge you to a steel cage match!" Wakko said to Xakko.

"OOOOOHHHHHHH YEAAAAHHHHHHH!" Said Savage.

"Oh, shut up and just fight!" shouted Xakko.

Xakko stepped forward to deliver a blow to Wakko's head, which Wakko blocked using the Mallet. Wakko swung the Mallet and just missed Xakko.

"You stupid weakling," Xakko taunted. "Even if you did hit me with that, I wouldn't actually be injured."

"You don't need to be injured to be tied up, just dazed or flattened!" Wakko reminded him.

"Hurry up!" said Yakko. "It's been a page and a half since I got a line!"

"Two pages for me!" Dot reminded everyone. "I know what would speed it up! Do distraction tactics 73E, 27F, and 137R!"

Xakko may have had Warner blood, but he had no idea what that meant.

Wakko did. A rope appeared next to him out of nowhere, and he pulled on it. An anvil began to drop from above Xakko. Xakko stepped out of the way, immediately saw another anvil falling, and began to run around the still-present wrestling ring, with no fewer than 27 anvils falling a step behind him. After he completed one revolution around the ring, the anvils stopped falling.

Since he had completed one lap, he should have been back where he originally was, next to Wakko. But Wakko was nowhere to be found. He looked into the ring, and saw Yakko, Dot, and Vakko sitting there, eating popcorn.

"Where is he?" he asked the three in a menacing tone.

He was met with three sets of shrugs.

(((A/N: That's got to be at least the fifth time shrugs have been used as responses in this story.)))

"Hey! We told you to stop interrupting, Ryan!" said Yakko. "Just a second everyone…"

Yakko wandered off-shot and –

(((A/N: Ow! OW! **_OWW!_**)))

- returned with a smug look on his face.

(((A/N: Okkay, truce! I'll stop interrupting! (in this story at least).)))

Xakko continued. "Like I said, you better tell me where Wakko is!"

Since no one budged, he grabbed Dot out of the ring.

"Hey, mister!" said Dot. "Wanna meet my pet?" She took a very small box from her pocket, opened the lid, and out popped the most hideous, scary, vile, nasty thing you've ever seen. It was…ummm…air? "Oh, yeah," said Dot. "My pet's at the vet. Heh. That rhymes."

Xakko felt a tap on his shoulder. He dropped Dot, who jumped back into the ring, and quickly did a 180. Nothing was there. He felt a tap on his shoulder again, and turned back just in time to see Wakko smack him upside the head with the Mallet O' Justice™, sending him sprawling backwards. He tripped over the steel steps to the ring and fell onto a steel chair. He instantly began to scream in agony.

"Sveet!" said Vakko, saying the comment reminiscent of Stiffler in his own special pronunciation by switching the w with a v.

(((Audience: Hey! You said you wouldn't spell out his accent. Did you finally relent?

Ryan: Actually, that's one of my own MSN Messenger sayings. It just seemed to fit Vakko.

Audience: Oh.

Ryan: Anyways, back to Xakko screaming and the Warners cheering.)))

"YAY WAKKO!" said Dot.

"Wimp," said Yakko. "I mean, what type of supervillain cries over _that_?"

Yakko's answer was given as he peeked over the side of the ring. Xakko's upper right leg had begun to bleed quite badly, turning his blue jeans red. At least one of the vials had cracked and had plunged deep into Xakko's flesh, also sticking out of the jeans. Xakko reached into the pocket and fished around to see if any of the vials had remained intact. None had.

"No problem," said Xakko, continuing between gasps of pain. "There should still be enough ICC™ on this bat to inflict some damage."

"Enough what?" asked Wakko.

"Oh, please, Ryan interrupted us often enough, I would have thought you would have known by now…it's the **I**njury **C**ausing **C**hemical. Either way, just to make sure I have enough…"

Xakko reached into his pocket and scooped up a combination of broken glass, ICC™, and his own blood, which he smeared on the bat. He struggled to his feet, using the bat as a temporary crutch.

Before Xakko could mount another attack, though, a huge net fell on him and dragged him into a small cage.

"You didn't think that I would come up here without borrowing some technology from the lab, would you?" Vakko asked, shutting and locking the door to the cage.


	17. If It Weren’t For Those Meddling Kids

**I'd Have Been Able To Do It, If It Weren't For Those Meddling Kids:**

"Try as you may, you can't keep me locked up forever!" Xakko threatened. "I will break out of jail, or the lab, or wherever you are planning to keep me, or number 3 will help me!"

"Number 3?" The Warners said in unison.

"You mean like a third clone?" Yakko asked.

"There is no record of a third clone," said Vakko. "He's just trying to get under your skin."

"Well, I guess that the records for that clone were all stolen by me when I escaped, and then burned," said Xakko. "I'll take this opportunity to withhold the information about number 3."

Vakko rolled his eyes. "He's lying. The lab manager told me everything he knows. There is no third clone."

"You'll see," said Xakko. "You'll see. And just to let you know, I'm coming after you first, Wakko."

The Warners began throwing random small objects at Xakko through the cage's bars while Vakko went to call the police.

Xakko never broke his gaze into Wakko's eyes, even when he was hit in the nose with a roll of duct tape.


	18. Thanks, That Was Fun

**Thanks, That Was Fun:**

Vakko and the Warners stood at the water tower's door, watching the police attach a hook to the cage so they could lower it by crane to the waiting paddy wagon at the bottom.

"You know," said Yakko. "It'd be faster if you would just drop it off the side."

Xakko gave him the evil eye because of this comment, which continued until the cage went out of view as it was lowered.

"So, by the way, thanks for tying up that baddie for us!" Dot said to Vakko.

"No problem," replied Vakko. "Thank _you_ for coming up with that idea back in the ring. And thank _you_, Wakko, for sticking up for all of us."

"And what about me?" Yakko asked.

"I guess the author –"

(((A/N: I do have a name you know.)))

"I guess Ryan decided that in turn for you talking a lot, you didn't do as much as usual."

"But you can thank me for talking a lot."

Vakko sighed. "Thank you, Yakko."

Yakko beamed with pride.

"Well," Vakko said, looking out the door. "I see the sun is about to come up. I should get back home and get ready for work."

"Will you come back and visit us?" asked Wakko. "You're Faboo!"

"Of course!" said Vakko. "Just call my cell phone near the end of the work day, any day, if you aren't doing anything and want me to come over. Here's the number."

Wakko accepted the card Vakko gave him. "Ooh, nice card!"

"Well, I am official staff there now."

"Vakko?" asked Dot.

"Yes, Dot?"

"Will you stay to tuck us into bed? I'm still scared." Dot wasn't really _that_ scared, but she wanted Vakko to know that he was appreciated, and besides, she had not yet found the chance to jump into his arms like she did with most of the men she adored, and maybe she would find a reason to if he stayed.

"Sure, Dot, but I'm sure that we'll all be fine. This is probably the last we will hear of Xakko." Vakko looked inquisitively at the audience. "Right?"

(((A/N: Well, the next story has actually already been submitted. I'm just resubmitting this one to fix some problems with it.)))

All four of our main characters spoke at the same time. "Aww, **_dammit_**!"


End file.
